


I Wish..

by bloodrosepetals



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Origin Story, heavy agnst, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-01-12 20:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18453725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodrosepetals/pseuds/bloodrosepetals
Summary: A sad, cute gay story.





	I Wish..

He didn't know what hurt more, the fact that his best friend was laughing and smiling like a fool with someone that wasn't  _him_ or the fact that he was holding a rose behind his back. He didn't know whether the fact his best friend who he was in love with, was with someone else, looking like he was in pure bliss, or the fact that he was too late as the girl was holding out a rose too, which was now in his hand. A sigh exhaled his lips, and he turned around, facing the rose that was previously behind his back, staring at it he twisted the small plant, flinching at the sudden swipe it made on his finger from his carelessness. Red dripped down the small stem of the rose, followed with a small eye roll as he started away. He looked back once, to see them together and turned his head away, inhaling a long breath and exhaling slowly. He unfastened his tie that was around his neck with his free, not bleeding hand and his walking pace became more angry than calm and sad. He threw the rose, aiming for the garbage but aiming miserably but not caring as he continued stomping towards the nurse's office, the reminder of the rose missing the trash only somehow agitating him more than he would've accepted it to. 

"Hey Kai-"

"No, fuck off." 

He pushed the door open for the nurse's office- or how his friend who was harshly shoved away would describe, "practically broke the door down". He instantly strut to get a band aid, dropping the box of band aids and letting a soft cuss word leave his mouth as he bent down to pick it up, a little more calmer than how he had opened the door. He didn't hear or even pay attention to his friend walking into the room and swiping the box that he was fumbling with hysterically. His hands were shaking too hard to even open the box or let alone pull out the right band aid. "Kai," he put the box down on the table, away from him, and his eyes locked with Kai's whose hands were shaking, blood sliding down his hand. His friend shook his head, and grabbed his hand, sliding up the suit's sleeve and clicking his tongue. "We literally just bought this, and you already got blood on it?" he slid the sleeve to his elbow, quietly examining it. "No, you're actually good, what did you even do?" he asked, pouring rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball and patting the cut, Kai winced, receiving a glare. Kai, remained silent as the other boy carefully opened the small plastic box and pulled out a band aid, ripping it open and tossing the packaging away before wrapping the band aid around his finger. As soon as he was done, Kai harshly pulled his arm back, startling the other boy, who seemed heavily displeased. "What's your problem? Not even a thank you?" he slammed the lid on the box and put it back where it was originally.

"Thank you," it was insincere. 

"Whats wrong?" he asked. Kai tried to walk past him, failing as his arm was grabbed harshly, stopping him from leaving. "That's how fast you give up?" Kai pulled his arm away, stepping away, and shooting a harsh glance at him. 

"Elliot, mind your fucking business, you act like you're any better. Are you really?" Kai snapped. In response Elliot let out an airy laugh, and leaned against the table, his arm supporting him as he averted his gaze and seemed to think for a moment what to say next. 

"Do you hear yourself? Do you see a rose in my hands right now? You know where it is? It's not in the fucking trash, which is exactly where yours is." He didn't meet Kai's confused glance. "How I know?" He met Kai's eye, "because I know you're a coward."

"She was there." 

"You were too." 

* * *

 

"What's this?" the girl from earlier asked, as he went up to the trash can seeing a discarded rose, picking it up she glanced at the boy. "Nixon?" she asked, as if he knew the answer. His heart throbbed, and he took the rose from her hands seeing a very small blood stain on the rose. 

"They must be heartbroken." He stared at the rose, and brought it to his nose, smelling the rose. The girl silently watched, her eyes moving to see her rose sitting in his pocket on his chest, feeling satisfied. He met her eye and chuckled. "You must be happy," he whispered and she smiled at him brightly. "The most popular boy accepted your flower," he added, and put the flower in the garbage, reaching out his hand towards her. Without hesitation she took his hand. They walked inside the school, the event finally beginning. Nixon looked at his clock, 7pm exactly. As he walked in, his eyes instantly traveled to see his boys, Elliot and Kai amongst them. 

"I'll be back." He took her hand and kissed it, she abruptly gave him a sound of agreement as he started towards them. His gaze somehow instantly caught the band aid that was on Kai's finger, it wasn't exactly discrete, it was a Star Wars band aid. "Kai? You hurt your finger?" he asked, remembering the rose. Attention turned towards Kai, who shoved his hand instantly into his pants. 

"Just a small cut, don't worry. I see you got a rose?" Kai asked, managing a soft smile and Nixon instantly smiled at him, but it didn't last long as he saw Kai had no flower.

"What about you? No girl asked you?" he asked, unaware of the actual situation. 

"Not exactly, I got asked but," he paused and shrugged, looking away from Nixon. 

"Then, can I offer you at least a dance, I don't want my best friend all alone." The words left his mouth before he could even process them, and Kai's curious green eyes met Nixon's, curiosity bubbling in them. His chest warmed at the sight of his eyes, and he had to avert his gaze to stop from the feeling getting the best of him. "S-sorry, I understand if-"

"Yes."

Elliot couldn't stand being there, and he left to the food table to eat away the tears that were brimming his eyes. He was extremely empathetic. Nixon reached to grab Kai's hand, and led them away from the rest of the people, he let his own body lead them. Kai tugged on his hand, and they headed to the balcony instead of outside. 

"Who leads?" Kai's voice was soft. 

"I-I'll lead." Why was Nixon so nervous? He didn't know. Kai put his hand on Nixon's shoulder, the other wrapping around his hand and Nixon's hand rested on his hip. 

Neither of them realized that the event started, they could both hear the MC loudly speak in the mic. "Welcome to Rose Day! An event hosted by our school, where you invite someone with a rose, doesn't matter gender or who does it, and I'm hoping everyone has a pair tonight! I feel as if today will be a magical day!" Music started. Their bodies swayed, Kai's following Nixon's both of their gazes weirdly fixated on each other. Kai didn't notice the rock that happened to be under his feet, as he stumbled forward, nearly knocking Nixon over, who leaned up against the railing, a blush coming to his cheeks as both panted with faces centimeters away. The brunette, who was leaning against the railing, shakily lifted his hand away, to reach up to touch the raven's cheek, whose hands were clasped on his suit. His thumb stroked his cheek, slowly, not daring to break contact with those big green, shocked eyes, that seemed to become less wide with each second. 

"Kai-"

"Nixon?" his hand was instantly back at his side and both boys were standing up straight, as the girl who Nixon was with earlier stood at the entrance of the balcony with a questioning look. Within seconds, Nixon was gone and Kai was left alone in the moonlight, confused and shattered. He sunk to the floor, leaning up against the railing. As if on cue, moments later Elliot had joined him and handed him a glass. 

"I sneaked some, it's for you." Elliot clinked his glass against Kai's, who was weakly holding his glass, before he turned his attention to Elliot, who was already swallowing the bitter alcohol down his throat. 

"How much do you have?"

"Enough for you to feel better."

Kai swirled the glass in his hands before drinking the glass to his lips and swallowing the liquid down. He threw his head against the railing, tears brimming his eyes, but he didn't let them fall. He sent Elliot a took who got the cue and got up without a word, and Kai relaxed knowing soon, he'll be okay.

* * *

 

Kai didn't remember getting home, or into his bed, but all questions were answered as he sat up and felt a pang in his head, causing a soft whimper to leave his lips. "Awe, baby you're awake?" what. Kai's eyes snapped open and he was met with Nixon's warm smile, who was staring at him, and then sat down on the bed. Kai blinked multiple times and glanced around. He wasn't home. He lifted the blanket and Nixon swatted his hands, blushing. "You think I'm that low?" he hissed, and offered him a cup. "Here, and this." He handed the ravenette a pain killer, who instantly tossed it in his mouth and drank the water. He spat it out, and Nixon cringed back. 

"It's cold!" Kai whined instantly. 

"Oh." Nixon took the cup and tried it, and frowned. "You're right, hold on, he drank more of the water and then leaned towards Kai, whose eyes snapped open and he put his hand against Nixon's chest. 

"What are you doing-" Kai instantly regretted speaking because that gave Nixon the full ability to push his mouth against him, and the warm liquid poured into his mouth and Kai swallowed the pain killer and the water. Nixon then leaned back, a small smile on his lips. "Wha-"

"You don't remember do you?" Nixon's smirk was threatening, making the boy under the sheets gulp hard as the brunette lean forward again. "Then I'll remind you," he whispered, and brought his hand to stroke Kai's cheek with his thumb, slowly and the smug expression was gone from his features. Kai was already gone, his headache and this? He was dizzy and his heart was pounding, the fear that could've been rushing through his heart was far far away, as all he knew was that Nixon's lips were so close to his, and he was being teased. Kai's eyes fluttered shut at the gentle, warm touch, and momentarily after he felt Nixon's lips against his, moving. Kai's fogged, dizzy, buzzing body only knew how to react, instantly kissing back. Nixon's hand left his cheek, and both his hands were Kai's hips and he moved the boy towards him, Kai's fingers interlacing into Nixon's hair. The brunette groaned, as he felt his hair lightly pulled. Kai was the first to pull away, his eyes hazy with affection. Nixon bit his lip, and moved away, confusing the raven boy, whose hands dropped to his sides. 

"Nixon, what-"

"I'm sorry." Kai stared at him. "I- I took advantage of you." Nixon didn't look at him. "You were drunk, you were really drunk, and I was outside while Elliot was away for a few seconds, and you told me about the rose-" Kai's breathing hitched, and his head throbbed more than he wanted it to. "-And, you were so cute, your tie was messy, you looked so sad, and you were so drunk. And I found it fun, how your lips felt on mine. I took you home because you fell asleep afterwards, and now- I'm-" he shook his head, his eyes finally looking up at Kai. "Kai, I'm-I'm not gay, my heart isn't beating from that- I-" he choked. "I saw it in your eyes just now, everything. I'm sorry." he turned his head away. 

"No it's- I'm just a little hazy, what I said yesterday was untrue. I did like you but not anymore, that rose for someone else, I just- I guess I mixed you up- And- I'm hungover for christs' sake." Kai mumbled. 

"Then, can I do it again?"

 _Please don't_ "Sure go ahead." 

Their lips were together again, and Kai's eyes were watering. He wished, he wished so hard that, he didn't fall for his best friend, that he didn't love this, that he didn't enjoy how warm and good his lips felt against his. He felt dirty. Nixon's tongue slipped against his lip and he opened his mouth, letting his tongue in. He loved Nixon so much, he imagined this so many times. But-- Kai harshly pulled back, surprising Nixon. "Sorry I have to go. I promise you, I'm okay." Kai offered him a smile and Nixon returned it.

"Of course, I wouldn't ever do that to you."

His heart hurt, his head hurt as he walked the few houses down to get home. His house was thankfully near Nixon's.

He lied, the second Kai got to his bed, he collapsed and started crying. When he was alone, when no one else was around, he was broken, utterly absolutely broken, because for the moment, the moment he was still sober when Nixon stroked his cheek, he saw in his eyes that he liked him too. He believed maybe, there was a chance, maybe, he-...But no. A sob left his lips as he curled into a ball and sobbed bitterly.

He was broken, his chest hurt and everything felt wrong. Everything didn't feel okay. He felt like he was dying, he wanted to turn back time, and wish..wish he didn't let Nixon in, wishing he didn't fall for him.

The next day he told Elliot the same, that was fine, that he got over Nixon. It was just a crush, it wasn't anything, the kiss they shared didn't make his insides burn like he expected it to, and he didn't cry at all when he was told that it was a mistake, that Nixon made an innocent mistake. He lied, his smile was a lie. Nixon offered another apology, while passing by him, with the girl he was the previously night in his hand.

_I wish it were me. I wish I had your heart._

_Did I once have it? Did I have your heart that moment, did I lose it? I wish, I Wish..._

He excused himself and walked to the washrooms, and closed the stall as he crawled into the stall and he felt his knees collapse under him. He was broken. He wasn't okay, he wanted Nixon. Nixon didn't want him. He wanted to be loved, he wanted his feeling to be reciprocated, but he also wanted him happy. 

And Kai, wouldn't make him happy.

He looked down, as the tears dropped to the ground.

He had to be okay, because he didn't want to be not okay. No matter how much his heart hurt, he was going to be okay. Right? Every reminder made it hurt more. Every reminder to let him go, hurt more. 

_I wish..._

 

**Author's Note:**

> And one day, all the songs about heartbreak and love and everything- made more sense than anything..


End file.
